“Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.”—Henry Miller (via thoughts-n-dreams)
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it—always.”—Mahatma Gandhi (via sociallyawkward4life)
It often seems to me that becoming an adult means becoming strong and stable in your convictions in order to govern a stable life for yourself and those you love.
In this sense, I want to grow up eventually, but not yet.
I am at a point at life where it is still reasonably acceptable to be a kid, but yet I still need to be given the same basic rights as any adults. I look at it as my time of exploration.
I still have so many questions that my mind seems to insist need to be answered in order for me to move forward. It just will not let me let go of these things.
My mind demands not only answers, but also meaning before it will move forward. I argue often that moving forward will probably bring about those answers it craves. Perhaps it will bring meaning. My mind seems to disregard these arguments no matter how often I present them.
But my mind trembles at this thought. What if there IS no meaning to be found?
I always sort-of figured that if the internet can’t answer something for me, the answer is either very well hidden or else non-existant.
I do not wish to grow up in the sense that I do not wish to stop learning. I want to continue exploring my entire life. I feel that a job will greatly affect that and also make me a slave to society. School will teach me, but it will be according to another’s agenda and I will be in great debt for many many years, even though I may not be satisfied or even find a career. Suddenly, I have to play by other people’s rules, which was exactly what I was hoping to graduate from when I turned 18. This is my life, and I wish to play by my own rules. I suppose this is childish. But who the hell has the authority to give an absolute definition of that word, anyway? Who has the authority to say what is and isn’t right? Everything has two sides of the coin.
It is hard to find answers for yourself when you are unsure of who to trust. How can I confide in other people? Does anyone really know anything? The majority of people know very little except what they have been told throughout their lives. How can I truly learn anything from someone who has never had the experience in order to truly answer those questions? Who can I go to? Where can I find these people who DO have answers, if they exist?
There seems to be so many more unanswered questions than there are answered ones. How can I make confident decisions without being confident in my convictions?
Perhaps this is all childish, but it is a phase I am going through and I feel that I must obtain something important from it before moving forward.
My grandparents want me to grow up. Other people want me to grow up. I do not feel ready to grow up. If I grow up now, there will be a lot of inner turmoil that I will have to hide away in order to function from day to day. Is that what being an adult is? Well, what happens when I snap one day? God knows what I will do. I do not trust myself with power or responsibility. Telling other people any different is asking for disaster.
Is it sad that I have fantasized about being locked up or put in a mental ward my whole life? Just reading lots and lots of books and writing all day every day until my fingers bleed? If I had a dictionary and some way to continue learning, I think I could be perfectly happy.
I want to contribute to society, but not in any normal way. And I do not want to be a slave to society in any way.
I fear normal out of the fear of losing my originality. My individualism.
They say I am being very unproductive by staying in my room all day every day without working and such. But I personally do not find these times to be useless. Every day, I am reading and researching and thinking about a new concept. Whether it comes to politics, animals, science, spirituality, philosophy… I am also learning something and drawing my own conclusions about the world from doing this. How many people can you say do that every day out of their own curiosity and enjoyment? Am I REALLY wasting my life? When I start ‘growing up’, I will rarely find time to do any of this.
In older times, or even in other countries, there would be a place for someone like me (perhaps more so if I was a male). I could be a shaman or a monk or a wandering philosopher. Is there a place for someone like that in America, where everything relies on money?
How can you accept yourself and live in the present when everything about the present is just wrong? And when there’s so much damage control needed to make things right again? It’s like looking at a huge pile of homework that’s already overdue. You just want to say ‘fuck it’.
I’m learning that when you create your own values based on what you yourself observe in the world instead of what you’re told, you begin to not give a fuck about what people think.
I don’t care if they look down on me for having casual sex, or smoking weed, or any other decision I make. If I don’t believe these things are wrong and I am not hurting anyone, who the fuck cares what they say? Fuck ‘em.
I understand that addiction is nasty, but I don’t think it’s completely fair to look down on people who are addicted to anything. A lot of people try a lot of different things, and many of them can enjoy the effects without getting addicted to a substance. Unfortunately though, some people do get addicted. And sometimes it’s caused by other problems in a person’s life. And the shitty thing about addiction is that you don’t even realize you are addicted until it’s too late.
Aren’t some people just more susceptible to it? Isn’t there a reason some become addicted while others don’t? Can a person be blamed for any more than making a normal human mistake?
I know my family worries about my drug use. All they really know is that I smoke pot, though. I don’t honestly think they need to worry as much as they think though.
I will admit I need to stop smoking pot so much, but I’ve seen friends and family die first-hand from harder drugs and I’ve witnessed what it does to people. It has scared me away from that. I don’t really drink much anymore, and when I do I control my intake MUCH better than I once did. I think alcohol is very dangerous. I can see myself trying psychedelics again one day after I am more emotionally stable and in an environment I know is safe. That is about it, though.
I know someone who just died from illegally taking too many prescription drugs. His tolerance got too high and apparently when it gets high, you start to think you’re invincible.
I’ve done hard drugs during a suicide attempt, but doing that is more likely to fuck up your life than end it. (Right away, at least.)
I thought she’d be mad at me for getting into her rum and vodka while I looked after her dog over the weekend. I apologized and told her I’d pay her back, but she said I didn’t have to because I took good care of the dog. She wasn’t even mad! Yay, that worked out better than I thought.
From this day forward, I refuse to be shameful of any action I have taken which brought me exactly what I wanted at the time. I am not subjected to anyone’s opinions or values but my own. When necessary, I can only say my apologies, alter my current course of action, and move on.